女权主义者的性欲观（读书笔记：杰茜卡瓦伦蒂：《正面全裸的女权主义》）作者直接以为，女权主义者都以些身穿男子西装剪着老公发型叼着烟卷不刮腋毛的中性人，直到读了瓦伦蒂这本《正面全裸的女权主义》。现在才精通过来，原本女权主义者也有七情六欲的！不止如此，她们的私欲比通常女人更加直白，越来越强势，更自私。瓦伦蒂用了全体一个章节来演讲女权主义的性欲观。标题是《女权主义者更专长干这件事（以及别的关于性的升迁）FEMINISTS DO IT BETTELX570 (AND OTHE宝马X3 SEX TIPS)》。她直言不讳就小编炫人眼目“作者在床面上比你行，而那得归功于女权主义。”(I'm better in bed than you are. And I have feminism to thank for it.)今世男权社会对女孩子有一种自相冲突的双重标准：一方面，女子在公共场面收受“守贞教育”，中午则在电视机上见到“女孩也疯狂”的广告。一方面，女孩被教育说婚前性行为是有格外态的，另一方面又报告您，你若想形成一名春假辣妹，你尽快对着镜头宽衣解带吧！(When you're getting abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone Wild commercials at night, it's not exactly easy to develop a healthy sexuality. You're taught that sex before marriage is bad bad bad, but that if you want to be a springbreak hottie, you'd better start making out for the camera.)守贞史学家是那样来教育女子的：“你们的肉身就是一根棒棒糖。当你们与娃他爹产生性关系时，他剥去你的门面，含吮起来。当时恐怕认为没有错，可可惜的是，他与你完事后，你们留给下一人伴侣的正是衣冠不整，口水臭味的残余。”("Your body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but unfortunately, when he's done with you, all you have left for your next partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker. ")够耸人据书上说的。不过女权主义者不吃这一套。瓦伦蒂提议的口号是：“小编的处女膜作者做主！(Our Hymens, Ourselves )”她说：“作者从不闹精通处女贞操有哪些大不断，真的。笔者的贞节在中学时期就被一名男朋友没怎么费力就夺去了。大家后来还约会了几许年呢。笔者还感到会有啥特殊的感觉啊，未有。笔者总认为这种把处女贞操当成如花似玉贰回事很呆笨。所以你能够想象，当自家开采自身原来是被用过即弃的废料时有多愕然。”(I have never really understood what the big deal was about virginity. Really. Mine was lost without a great deal of fanfare to a high school boyfriend whom I dated for several years afterward. I expected to feel different—I didn't. The whole precious-flower-virginity thing always seemed silly to me. So imagine my surprise when I found out that I was just a used-up piece of trash without it.)小编相比纳闷的是，女权主义者总体上是瞧不起男士的。不过在管理本身的人事时，她们对先生的神态明朗又是另一番光景。诚然，她们与先生上床，再亦非为了取悦郎君，更不是为着传宗接代，而纯粹是为了本人的开心。用瓦伦蒂露骨的话，便是：一边做女权主义者，一边交合！(f***ing while feminist ！)只是，面临一个人性欲如此高涨态度如此强势的女权主义床伴，哪一个人小男子消受得起？
As I look back on my experiences, it’s interesting to reflect on how my perspectives have changed.
瓦伦蒂用了全数一个章节来阐述女权主义的性欲观。标题是《女权主义者更擅长干那件事（以及任何关于性的唤醒）FEMINISTS DO IT BETTE福特Explorer (AND OTHEENVISION SEX TIPS)》。
When I started out, each and every twist and turn I encountered, whether in the markets or in my life in general, looked really big and dramatic up close, like unique life-or-death experiences that were coming at me fast.
他开门见山就小编炫彩“笔者在床的上面比你行，而那得归功于女权主义。”(I'm better in bed than you are. And I have feminism to thank for it.)
今世父权社会对女士有一种自相争执的双重标准：一方面，女子在公开场合承受“守贞教育”，中午则在TV上看看“女孩也疯狂”的广告。一方面，女孩被教育说婚前性行为是不对的，另一方面又告诉你，你若想成为一名春假辣妹，你尽快对着镜头宽衣解带吧！(When you're getting abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone Wild commercials at night, it's not exactly easy to develop a healthy sexuality. You're taught that sex before marriage is bad bad bad, but that if you want to be a springbreak hottie, you'd better start making out for the camera.)
With time and experience, I came to see each encounter as “another one of those” that I could approach more calmly and analytically, like a biologist might approach an encounter with a threatening creature in the jungle: first identifying its species and then, drawing on his prior knowledge about its expected behaviors, reacting appropriately.
守贞国学家是这样来教育女生的：“你们的人体正是一根棒棒糖。当你们与女婿发生性关系时，他剥去你的伪装，含吮起来。当时大概认为不错，可可惜的是，他与您完事后，你们留给下一个人伴侣的正是衣冠不整，口水臭味的流毒。”("Your body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but unfortunately, when he's done with you, all you have left for your next partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker. ")
够耸人传闻的。可是女权主义者不吃这一套。瓦伦蒂建议的口号是：“作者的处女膜小编做主！(Our Hymens, Ourselves )
”她说：“小编从不闹精通处女贞操有啥样大不断，真的。笔者的贞操在中学时代就被一名男朋友没怎么费力就夺去了。大家后来还约会了少数年吧。作者还感觉会有哪些出格的痛感啊，未有。小编总认为这种把处女贞操当成如花似玉三回事很古板。所以您能够想象，当本人发掘自身原来是被用过即弃的垃圾（或棒棒糖）时有多愕然。”(I have never really understood what the big deal was about virginity. Really. Mine was lost without a great deal of fanfare to a high school boyfriend whom I dated for several years afterward. I expected to feel different—I didn't. The whole precious-flower-virginity thing always seemed silly to me. So imagine my surprise when I found out that I was just a used-up piece of trash (or candy) without it.)
When I was faced with types of situations I had encountered before, I drew on the principles I had learned for dealing with them.
本身相比纳闷的是，女权主义者总体上是看不起男生的。然则在管理本人的人事时，她们对先生的千姿百态显明又是另一番青山绿水。诚然，她们与老公上床，再亦不是为了讨好郎君，更不是为了薪火相传，而纯粹是为着和谐的欢娱。用瓦伦蒂露骨的话，正是：一边做女权主义者，一边打炮！(Fucking while feminist ！)
But when I ran into ones I hadn’t seen before, I would be painfully surprised. Studying all those painful first-time encounters, I learned that even if they hadn’t happened to me, most of them had happened to other people in other times and places, which gave me a healthy respect for history, a hunger to have a universal understanding of how reality works, and the desire to build timeless and universal principles for dealing with it.
（对于在此以前没碰着的新主题素材，不会以为痛心。因为开掘，尽管那么些难题，此前作者没遇见过，别的人也会遇见过。所以作者非常讲究历史，渴望领会具体到底是怎么运作的，并渴望创立固定和广泛的口径来管理它。）（简单来讲：认知现实的面目，并树立 普遍的标准去处理它， 广泛恐怕能够明白为 合适的 准确的 ）
Watching the same things happen again and again, I began to see reality as a gorgeous perpetual motion machine, in which causes become effects that become causes of new effects, and so on.
I realized that reality was, if not perfect, at least what we are given to deal with, so that any problems or frustrations I had with it were more productively directed to dealing with them effectively than complaining about them. I came to understand that my encounters were tests of my character and creativity. Over time, I came to appreciate what a tiny and short-lived part of that remarkable system I am, and how it’s both good for me and good for the system for me to know how to interact with it well.
In gaining this perspective, I began to experience painful moments in a radically different way. Instead of feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, I saw pain as nature’s reminder that there is something important for me to learn. Encountering pains and figuring out the lessons they were trying to give me became sort of a game to me.
The more I played it, the better I got at it, the less painful those situations became, and the more rewarding the process of reflecting, developing principles, and then getting rewards for using those principles became.I learned to love my struggles, which I suppose is a healthy perspective to have, like learning to love exercising (which I haven’t managed to do yet).
In my early years, I looked up to extraordinarily successful people, thinking that they were successful because they were extraordinary. After I got to know such people personally, I realized that all of them—like me, like everyone—make mistakes, struggle with their weaknesses, and don’t feel that they are particularly special or great. They are no happier than the rest of us, and they struggle just as much or more than average folks. Even after they surpass their wildest dreams, they still experience more struggle than glory. This has certainly been true for me.
While I surpassed my wildest dreams decades ago, I am still struggling today.In time, I realized that the satisfaction of success doesn’t come from achieving your goals, but from struggling well.To understand what I mean, imagine your greatest goal, whatever it is—making a ton of money, winning an Academy Award, running a great organization, being great at a sport. Now imagine instantaneously achieving it.
You’d be happy at first, but not for long. You would soon find yourself needing something else to struggle for. Just look at people who attain their dreams early— the child star, the lottery winner, the professional athlete who peaks early. They typically don’t end up happy unless they get excited about something else bigger and better to struggle for. Since life brings both ups and downs, struggling well doesn’t just make your ups better; it makes your downs less bad.
I’m still strugglingand I will until I die, because even if I try to avoid the struggles, they will find me.
Thanks to all that struggling and learning, I have done everything I wanted to do,gone everywhere I wanted to go, met whomever I wanted to meet, gotten everything I wanted to own, had a career that has been enthralling, and, most rewardingly, had many wonderful relationships.I have experienced the full range, from having nothing to having an enormous amount, and from being a nobody to being a somebody, so I know the differences.While I experienced them going from the bottom up rather than from the top down (which was preferable and probably influenced my perspective), my assessment is that the incremental benefits of having a lot and being on top are not nearly as great as most people think.
Having the basics—a good bed to sleep in, good relationships, good food, and good sex—is most important, and those things don’t get much better when you have a lot ofmoney or much worse when you have less.
And the people one meets at the top aren’t necessarily more special than those one meets at the bottom or in between.
The marginal benefits of having more fall off pretty quickly. In fact, having a lot more is worse than having a moderate amount more because it comes with heavy burdens. Being on top gives you a wider range of options, but it also requires more of you. Being well-known is probably worse than being anonymous, all things considered. And while the beneficial impact one can have on others is great, when you put it in perspective, it is still infinitesimally small. For all those reasons, I cannot say that having an intense life filled with accomplishments is better than having a relaxed life filled with savoring, though I can say that being strong is better than being weak, and that struggling gives one strength.
My nature being what it is, I would not have changed my life, but I can’t tell you what is best for you. That is for you to choose. What I have seen is that the happiest people discover their own nature and match their life to it.
Now that my desire to succeed has given way to a desire to help others succeed, that’s become my current struggle. It’s now clear to me that my purpose, your purpose, and the purpose of everything else is to evolve and to contribute to evolution in some small way.I didn’t think about that at the start; I just went after the things I wanted. But along the way I evolved, and now I am sharing these principles with you to help you evolve too.I realized that passing on knowledge is like passing on DNA—it is more important than the individual, because it lives way beyond the individual’s life. This is my attempt to help you succeed by passing along to you what I learned about how to struggle well—or, at the very least, to help you get the most out of each unit of effort you put in.